Saturday, July 30

You’ll kill for my Sin City Omelet

This will seem odd to you. I’m not gonna talk about writing, and I’m not gonna give you an excerpt from some crime epic. Nope, I’m gonna tell you how to make an easy omelet you’re gonna love. I call it my Sin City Omelet, an omelet for men who like omelets—not that the ladies won’t like it too. It’s what we call in Louisiana a slap-your-momma omelet. Taste it, and you’ll be pissed your momma made you eat her nasty cooking.

sincitynoir For the record, all men from Louisiana cook. They may not all admit it, but they cook. Good or bad, they cook. In between wives, I actually learned to cook pretty well. Now, I’m happily married to my high school sweetheart. She won’t let me cook on any day that’s not a holiday, but this morning, she went shopping, and I dug out the skillet.

This dish feeds 2 on a date (or one real man by himself). The trick is to pour in the eggs and not touch them. Just pour them in, and cover on a very low flame.

Let’s do this.

Find a 12" non-stick pan, but if yours has lost its non-stick abilities, spray it with some of that non-stick fake butter stuff your wife buys or gob in a teaspoon of real butter, let it melt, and smear the pan with it. Find a cover that is sort of flat to keep the heat closer to the food. Use a heavy plate if you can’t find a lid. Look around. Your wife’s likely got some good china that’ll work just fine.

With a fork, whip up 6 eggs with about 1 1/2 tablespoons of water in a bowl—or a beer stein, that’s what I used. Add salt, cayenne pepper, and a shot of Pinot Noir. This will turn the eggs gray like a good black and white movie.

Crumble 8 ounces of Monterey Jack cheese and put that to the side. Incidentally, if you freeze the cheese first and then defrost, it will crumble faster. (My grandmaw taught me that.)

Anyway, heat your pan on a VERY low flame and pour in the eggs. Cover and don’t open for 5 minutes. When the eggs look done (not runny) spread on the cheese and some very thin onion slices. Cover again, and turn off the heat. Drop the toast and by the time it's buttered you can douse those black and white eggs with some blood-red, spicy salsa (or ketchup if you’re in Louisiana) then fold the omelet in half to hide the melted insides.

Your gonna love this. When you serve it, the egg layers are only 1/4" thick, perfect consistency, and a killer taste.